As any adult webcam chat room will show you, we’re asymmetrical, we have scars and lumps and bumps, we gain weight or become gaunt as we age, and if we’re American women who get naked around other people — online or off — we probably treat our pubic hair as topiary.

That was a surprise for me at the spa. All of the women, mature as well as young, maintained some kind of hair removal ritual. Most were completely bare; those who weren’t had delicate hints of landing strips.

The only exceptions were an eastern European lady and yours truly. It’s been months since I have tried anything more exotic than a shower.

If you look back through the history of nudie pictures, you can see the changing fashions for pubic hair over time. But with the advent of the web in the mid-1990s, suddenly everyone could see how adult entertainers trimmed, shaped and buffed. Formerly exotic practices like Brazilian waxes and stenciling your partner’s initials into your personal parts became The Thing.

In fact, it’s so The Thing that last year Missouri passed a law requiring parental consent for minors seeking to be waxed “on or near genitalia.”

[source: Wired News]

the spa culture?

The ‘topiary’ bit made me snort water. Maybe this is so funny only to me.

I have been lucky enough to not have the experience of prolonged exposure to topiaries at the spa because for some reason, the steam rooms, saunas, and shower rooms at the places I’ve been to have been virtually empty when I was there. However, the past month of sharing communal showers at the yoga studio has changed my odds completely.

It’s not that I try to look really. I mean, spare me, it’s the least of my interests. Sometimes you have no choice because they’re just…out there! Surprisingly, I’ve gotten used to randomly chatting with other women whose names I don’t even know–in the buff. It was weird but I guess I had to get over it. And get over it I did in one day. I adapt easily.

Since then I’ve had interesting, uncomfortable brushes (pun intended) with female topiaries (hmm…I’m really liking the term! harhar). Now I don’t want my blog to be the ‘tales from the shower room’ nook of the ‘Net, but here’s one incident:

I was talking on and off to someone beside me in the shower stall. I stooped down to pick up my conditioner bottle, and tried to figure out for a quick second which one was the shampoo and which one was the conditioner (they’re both purple liquids). From my peripheral vision, I could see a mass of hair on my left side so I assumed the woman I have been chatting with was at eye level with me. So I turned to continue our conversation.

GAH!!! It turned out I was trying to talk to pubes! :(

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I mentioned this blooper to one of my gal pals…

T: “I DARE you to give her a gift certificate for waxing!“
Me: “No way! I pay $80**. They don’t call it the West Coast Forest Fire for nothing–it burns a hole in your wallet.”
**relaaaax, $80 includes tip and taxes

Sometimes, I have to say, I feel like taking some of ‘em on a field trip to the spa and introducing them to the world of waxing. Or shaving. Or damnit, I just have to accept the cultural differences and preferences…because I don’t have to deal with them/that on a personal level anyway. Man, it’s winter now…you know, frizzies season. Ugh. Don’t want to go there…

One other thing, I’m curious to ask at my spa whether they refuse waxing for underaged girls. I’ll get back to you on that!

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Ok, that’s my weekly contribution to grossing you out. You can stop screaming “TMI, TMI, TMI!” now.

Happy weekend! HAHAHA.