Posted on October 15, 2009 - by Joy

Finding Answers

Sometimes the only thing that will really keep you going is your Faith. Faith that things will get better even if it feels like you’re pitted against the darkest corner of an endless maze of tunnels. Being a Christian my entire life, and quite a religious one at a young age, I’ve grown up believing in God, in a higher being, in something that is purely good, loving and forgiving. Back then, in the midst of memorizing Bible verses, going to Church every Sunday, and loudly declaring that I am God’s child and as the Sunday school song goes: “I can feel him in my hand, I can feel him in my feet…I can feel Him all over me…” — I have asked many times, in earnest, how do I know that God really does exist aside from the Bible verses, what the pastor teaches, what my Sunday school teaches, what my parents and grandparents have instilled in me?

I’m not about to tell you to believe in my beliefs. Heck, there were moments in my adult life when I even felt left out to be the only one believing in even just a higher being. It was either passe, or a big No-no to declare one’s faith. I haven’t gone to Church regularly in a long time, but that doesn’t mean that I’m a heathen down to my very soul either.

As I grew older (and older…ah), I’ve encountered that helping hand right when I had almost nothing left to hang on to. It’s at that moment when I realize that nothing is under my control and all I can do is give it up to Him…or let go…or let the Universe take care of it, whichever language you want to translate that to. As someone who likes to take charge of her life, it is very hard for me to ask for assistance or give up the driver’s seat of my own life. The irony is that when I do let go, that’s when great things happen. I really just learn to stop being so darn in charge all the time.

The ship won’t sink if I don’t worry about it, because it won’t. All I need is to believe. I’ve been through hell before, and it really only goes uphill from there.