Sometimes you can’t hurry life, plan things ahead, and live according to plan. And that’s what Plan B is about: just sit, wait, and might as well enjoy the ride as the scenes come.
We were expecting visitors today but they never came. My mother got the dates mixed up. That’s one thing to be thankful for this day: one peaceful evening. Early dinner, a luscious chocolate cake is being made and I’m taking a moment to blog here while I try to rest my mind. Head feels like it’s about to explode: both physically, because of a massive headache, and psychologically because of everything that’s happening.
I had a medical scan taken today and I won’t know the results until sometime later this week. I don’t want to worry about it, but the possibility of the worse that could happen hit me this afternoon. I realize that Life really is so short.
When I think about all the worries I have now, I ask myself: would they really matter 5 years from now? It’s good to realign ourselves once in a while. I’m bogged down by a lot of things that I need to evaluate what it is that I’m sending out to the universe that I am getting these back, without reverting to beating up myself for them. And instead, work on improving.
I don’t like bothering, or having to depend on, other people. I’ll try to do everything that I need on my own. However, it was nice to have a good friend go with me today to the lab. It’s a simple thing, but it meant a lot to me.
So that’s Monday, I guess. A quiet one for a change. I’ll go back to the kitchen to finish my cake now.
I’m sure this would please a few people, knowing that I am not all “together” these days. But whatever.
What I’m learning to do these days is to LET GO of things I have no control of, because well–there’s nothing I can do about it. For someone who likes to do, contribute and help, it is one of the hardest things to learn. I like being involved. I like making a difference.
I’m frazzled at the moment and I have a cup of coffee on my side table. I’m mulling over a few things: finances, near-future plans, scheduled events, health, and other errands. There are bits and pieces of them that I cannot change. I can keep cursing all I want but it won’t make a difference. To add insult to injury, it is very exhausting. Feeling my blood boil now..
I really have to catch myself and breathe. Breathe it out. No sense in delving in the matter.
Today…tonight…things are just boiling and spilling over and there’s nothing I can do about it but have a change of attitude towards it. Do what I can, and trust that the rest will be taken cared of.