Seeing the light

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A friend and I were just talking the other day about how life does not get any easier since we were kids (and we’ve known each other for over 20 years). LIFE IS SO COMPLICATED!!! Oh. my. gawd. Hah. Now that I’m writing this, I just thought about it in another way: life is not that complicated…it’s mostly the people around you that makes it complicated, OR you are complicating someone else’s life. Y’know, you could be part of the problem! There will always be disastrous and uncontrollable events and circumstances in life, but the people? The people are the positive and negative multipliers of the magnitude of effects these have. It’s scary to think that, well, your life could basically be ruined by (gasp) people. This is nothing new, but on the contrary, that also means that YOU…WE…have the power to fight them and change the course of OUR lives.

I don’t think I’ve ever thought about it that way until I started typing this. This is why I need to pour out my thoughts in writing more regularly. I get to THINK. Use my mental faculties for something other than trying to make sense of daily human absurdity.

Last Saturday over coffee my other friends and I were talking about being the damsel in distress and being the queen, or as one of them put it, “The Duchess”. I have my new beginning. They said that for months I was a damsel in distress, but then I started shedding that when I came back here. And I DO feel it. I let myself be boxed, which with my very nature, kills me. It brings me to a place where I never want to be at ever again. I enjoy thinking, feeling, and doing freely. I welcome being told what to do with seething hate. It’s just not me. Other people like being the puppet because life is easier that way — you do not have to think for yourself and you can blame others for misfortunes borne out of your own actions. Because the thinking part — they are not yours. I used to be like that a long time ago, but then I’ve come to the realization that there is no point in life if you live that way!!! What is the point? Why have a life that is not yours?!?! It was a difficult learning process — mentally, emotionally and psychologically. It’s like being told to cross the bridge and there is no bridge. You start from scratch. But it’s the best thing you could do for yourself.

I never really grasped the meaning of growing up until I went through it. I thought all everybody had to do was follow the rules, walk the oft-taken path and you’ll know what to do with your life and the next thing you know you have 2 generations of your flesh and blood in front of you, and you are sitting comfortably in your vacation home watching the sunset and tell yourself: “So these are the fruits of my labor.” I mean, you already see a lot of people doing that, so why change it now?

Sometimes I think that there are a lot of people who really just go on with their lives and not really living. Eat. Sleep. Work. Do the usual family stuff. Do the usual friends stuff. Attend a few more social events. And call it a year well “lived”.

Perhaps, I think too much. But, whenever I don’t, I hit a brick wall at some point to remind me that this is not the way I want my life to be. Somebody told me that introspection should be a crime because it’s ruined relationships and lives before. You mean, trying to know things as they are, looking at your life, is a bad thing? What makes us any different from animals, then? It reminded me of the emperor’s new clothes. There’s only so much illusion that can cushion you from reality.

So what was I trying to say? I forgot. In the beginning I was going to talk about something else, but it evolved into living. I guess that’s more important right now.

So hear ye, the call to LIVE. Live like you know what is going on with YOUR life. Think, feel, live. Don’t just do things and the next thing you know you are facing the grave. Live well, be a good person knowing that what you do affects others. Live as if others care about what they do, too. Strive to be happy and make others’ lives happy. You don’t have to make that much effort. The very least you can do is to at least not make anyone else miserable — you know, it’s simple. It doesn’t have to be that complicated.